His Test
by Mr. JRyan
Summary: SLASH. When tragedy strikes JD and he refuses to talk to Perry about it, will the older doctor allow himself to change who he is to please his partner? JDox established.
1. Dismissal

**Title: **The Test  
**Chapter Title: **Dismissal  
**Author:** Haley Starlight

**Setting: **I actually don't have a particular setting in mind... It could go just about anywhere, actually.

**Pairing: **JD/Cox (established relationship)

**Summary: **When tragedy strikes JD and he refuses to talk to Perry about it, will the older doctor allow himself to change who he is to please his partner?

**POV: **Perry/Dr. Cox.

**Warnings: **SLASH. Don't like it? Don't read.

**Author's Note:** This is my first Scrubs fanfiction. That being said, the characters might be a little OOC. Bear with me, people. And if you think I could do something better, please point it out in a review, and I promise I'll work on it!

_It's funny the way life works out sometimes. One moment you're complaining to your wife that you don't see your friends enough, and then you get a call from your babysitter, offering to work more nights because she needs the money. Or maybe you start getting annoyed that the hospital you work at doesn't serve anything that isn't healthy garbage, and that night a pizza delivery guy mixes up your apartment with your neighbor's and you get a few slices out of it. Then there are those moments in life that just take you by surprise. Like when the dog you've only had for a week suddenly runs off and gets eaten by a coyote. Or when you come home to find the bicycle on the porch that you didn't realize your parents saw you eyeing every time you went to the toy store. Whether good or bad, life doesn't seem to stop thinking of ways to surprise us all, no matter if they're big or small. Sometimes they can be a blessing, sometimes they can be a curse. And then there are those defining moments that are both; they leave you stranded, but closer to your loved ones at the same time. While most people wish for blessings, it's the blessings in disguise that shape who we are as human beings, and open our eyes to the world. Those can be common, if you just learn to look at them right._

I walked towards the on-call room, rubbing my eyes, a large yawn trying to find it's way to the surface. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was only half past two in the morning, and already I was so tired that I swore the next intern who decided to ask me a stupid question about one of the many patients in ICU was going to be thrown into the elevator and forced to stay there until they successfully managed to go up and down without urinating all over themselves and/or getting sick on the floor. Granted, I had been working a 30 hour shift, which was coming to a close in the morning, but I had spent the better part of the evening resting… A lot of good that did me.

It wasn't that it was a bad night; no, no, not at all. In fact, I was just oh so enjoying the fact that Newbie had been crankier than he usually was during his time of the month, and Carla seemed to get angry at me every time I called him a girl's name. It was obvious that something was going on with him—any idiot could guess that much—but the only problem was that I was emotionally crippled and he wouldn't just spit it out. It seemed he wanted to me sit down and talk with him about his girly mood swings and act like a _good_ partner. Has he met me? That was ne-_he_-ver going to happen. So what did I earn for my efforts of actually trying to be a decent human being with him? Nada. Zip. Zilch. In fact, he had been doing a pretty good job of avoiding me the whole night, which only increased my annoyance at the situation. I'm sure you're asking how that could possibly be, considering who I am. Well, it all started about, oh, an hour and a half ago…

_**One A.M.**_

Walking over to the nurse's station, I couldn't help but allow a small inner smile wander its way towards me as I saw my Newbie standing there, talking to Carla. In the years that he had been working at the hospital, he had actually turned into a decent doctor; not that I would tell him as much directly to his face. No, I preferred much less conventional tactics. "Hey there, Janice. Just a quick question. Do you actually plan on getting some work done tonight or are you just going to stand here and gossip about the latest going-ons of Barbie and Gandhi until you get off?" I grinned mockingly, leaning close to them, pretending to be eager about Blondie and his black wife.

Instead of smiling at me in that way he has been since we've been starting to see each other, he turned to me, his eyes cold. Well, that was a new one. He had his moments—like everyone else, I suppose—but never has he seemed so honestly angry about my typical remarks.

"Dr. Cox, can't you see that we're having a discussion here?" Carla asked, rolling her eyes as she crossed her arms. The Latina nurse actually seemed tense, and her eyes kept glancing towards Gladys.

"No, Carla, it's fine," Newbie said, grabbing a chart off the counter and standing up straight, looking me in the eye, unblinking. It was the stance he usually pulled before he was about to stand up to me. Was someone playing a prank on me? Gee, if the kid starting showing any more balls, I might have had to stop calling him 'my little wife' to Jordan. And, really, while I was slightly proud of him, that's not something I really wanted; it was oh so fun to torture the Ice Queen in all her glory.

"You see, Dr. Cox here is just making sure that we don't lose any patients tonight. Apparently talking is getting in the way of that." Ah, I knew Newbie would understand. "But I think he's missing something. While talking is a nice way to pass the time, it also allows us to be in view of the patients and enables us to be at their side at a moment's notice. So, while he was conveniently napping, I was the one who caught Mr. Dunham's shortness of breath before it became more serious." He tilted his head slightly at me, and I found myself suddenly thinking that I was sleeping on the couch that night. "Apparently kicking people while they're down is just something Dr. Cox does to help him sleep at night. While he's being useless in the on-call room, we're doing our jobs. And you know what? I think that drives him crazy. Funny how things work out sometimes." With that, he walked past me, making sure to bump my shoulder as he did so.

I stood there dumbfounded for a moment. Sure, it wasn't unlike Brittany to act like a man occasionally and put me in my place when I'm being a total jackass, but what just happened there? That was like watching a rabid dog save a small kitten from a tree. Newbie knew how I acted, how I showed my—dare I say it—_affection_, and for the most part he usually just smiled, rolled his eyes, and let well enough be. He knew how I felt about him, knew the things I said to him when no one else was around. So why in God's good graces would he suddenly turn on me like that, for the simplest little thing? It was just so un-Newbie-like.

"I should warn you that tonight's not a good night to get on his bad side." I tore my gaze away from the place that Newbie had just currently been standing in and looked over at Carla, who gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Well, gee whiz, d'ya really think so? While you're having certain revelations, do you think you could possibly reach into that brain of yours and tell me why the hell he's acting like I threw away his favorite toy?"

Carla rolled her eyes, sighing. "Something happened."

I stared at her for a moment, waiting for her to continue. When she didn't, I leaned against the counter, closer to her. "Care to elaborate?"

The nurse glanced in the direction Newbie had left in, seeming to contemplate whether she should tell me or not. Really, the suspense was killing me. Well, not so much killing me as re-he-_he_-ly annoying me. If something was going on with _my_ Newbie, then shouldn't I have a right to know about it? I was the one who had to sleep in the same bed with him, after all. When he was in a bad mood when he fell asleep, he had bad dreams, and that meant he kicked. As soon as I had learned that, I inevitably made sure to brighten his spirits before we fell asleep, lest I want to either A) have bruises on my legs the next morning, or B) be kicked out of my own bed in the middle of the night.

"It's not my place to say," Carla said, looking a bit guilty. Well, I hope she was; she may have just signed my death certificate. "If Bambi wants you to know then he'll tell you. And don't you dare push him into talking about it."

"Then how the hell am I supposed to find out what's going on in that thick skull of his?"

"Trying asking." She then gave me a look. "_Nicely_. Don't be mean to him, because that may just be the reason he isn't talking to you. Look, he's coming back. Just be _nice_."

I turned and found Newbie walking back over to the nurse's station, ignoring my presence as he forced a small smile at Carla. Wait, forced it? Newbie barely ever had to force a smile. Shoot, the kid was so full of them that I thought that whatever rainbow was shooting out of his ass was a permanent thing. Guess it was the unicorns' day off.

"Hey, Bambi," Carla said in that overly-motherly way of hers, putting a hand on his arm. "How are you doing?"

"Good," he said, not the least convincing.

"Sasha, I was just wondering something. What in the hell is going through your head that you actually thought you could speak to me that way without dire consequences? Is all that product in your hair finally seeping through and killing mass amounts of brain cells, or did you actually grow a pair since the last time I've talked to you? Because, really, I think I deserve to know if it's the latter, considering it's going to vastly change our sex lives." I raised my eyebrows at him as he stared at me, his eyes once again cold. I felt like he was staring _through_ me. Honestly, it was kind of giving me the creeps.

"Go to hell, Perry," he said before setting his chart down on the counter and walking away.

"What the hell was that?" Carla asked, swatting me on the arm. "I told you to be nice!"

I blinked. "I tried. It just didn't come out the way I planned."

"You're impossible." With that, she walked away.

_**Present**_.

I was no closer to finding out what the hell was going on with Newbie, and it was driving me crazy. I kept trying to think back on that day, trying to figure out if I said something I shouldn't have, or did something that created this she-devil that I was currently dealing with. But each time I went over everything that happened, I was still no closer to figuring it out. On top of that, five patients had coded in the last hour and a half, and I had only been able to save three of them. This just wasn't my night.

Walking over to one of the flat, bumpy mattresses that they called beds, I sat down, running a hand across my face, completely unaware that there was someone else in the room with me until a second later. I heard Newbie's voice from the bunk bed next to me. "Is it that hard to just ask?"

I looked over at my Newbie, sighing. "We've been over this before."

I saw the kid sit up on the mattress, his shoulders tense from what I could make out in the dim light. "Yeah, you're right. We have. So much for you being there for me." He stood up, walking over to the door. I quickly followed him out of the room, grabbing onto his arm.

"How the hell am I supposed to supposedly 'be there for you' when I don't even know what's going on? I know you thought that I may be cool if I were but _honestly_, JD, I am _nawt_ psychic. That being said, until you tell me, I'm left completely oblivious and in the dark to what it is that I'm supposed to be helping you with."

Newbie stared at me for a long moment, before he swallowed hard. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I haven't told you because you're so bad at being anything but sarcastic that I'm afraid you'll end up doing more harm than good?"

I sighed at this, running a hand through my hair. "I'm there when it counts. Haven't I showed you that much since we've known each other?"

"Sure you are. But somehow you always manage to point out how girly I am or put me down in the process of being there for me. And while I could usually handle that, I can't do that this time. I just _need_ you, Perry. I can't handle anything else."

"Then why don't you just tell me what's going on and we can move towards that?" I leaned in to give him a small kiss, but he turned his head, forcing my lips to connect with his cheek. Not once has he ever denied me a kiss in such a way. Sure, there were times when he was annoyed with me and refused to kiss me, but he always showed me that he loved me with his eyes. This time? Well, his eyes were blank, as if his very soul was numb.

"I don't want to 'move towards' it. I want it to already be here, to be _sure_ that I can count on you. And until then… Forget it." With that he walked down the hallway, leaving me standing in front of the on-call room, a look of defeat upon my face.


	2. Heartbreak

**Title:** His Test  
**Chapter Title:** Heartbreak  
**Author:** Haley Starlight  
**Pairing: **JD/Cox (established relationship)

**Warnings: **SLASH. Don't like it? Don't read.

**Author's Note: **I originally thought this was going to be a three-parter, but I've changed my mind. Read my profile for further details, kiddies. Also, I changed the name of the fic from 'The Test' to 'His Test'… I decided it was best to try and go with the format of the show. : )

I sighed as I walked over to the nurse's station. Ever since my confrontation with Newbie in front of the on-call room, he had been doing a particularly annoying—yet, rather amazing—job of avoiding me. That had been three and a half hours ago. While I was still oh so very grumpy at the fact that no one had bothered to tell me what was going on with my partner—did they _know_ who they were messing with? Screw the code of silence!—I was at least _a little_ happy that it was time to go home and finally get some real rest. Only problem was, of course, that Newbie and I had made plans to ride home together. Of course, I was half expecting him to get a ride home from Carla, considering the two came to work together, but I secretly hoped that he'd come home with me—if only because he'd be stuck in a small vehicle with me and thereby be _forced_ to tell me what exactly was going on with him.

"Hey, Dr. Cox," Carla said with a smile. What gave _her_ the right to be cheery? So everything was all good for her while I was absolu-hu-_hu_-tly miserable? She needed to tell me what I was missing, god damnit! "Bambi asked for a ride from me." I opened my mouth to start to rant about the fact that my sort-of-but-not-really-because-I-hate-that-word boyfriend seemed intent on staying away from me—we lived in the same apartment, for goodness sake!—when Carla continued, a knowing smile on her face as she noticed the vein in my neck start to bulge. "I told him no. I understand that he doesn't want to tell you, but he can't keep avoiding you. He can't let this ruin his relationship with you."

"And what _exactly _is 'this'?" I asked innocently, crossing my arms and I forced a small smile at Carla.

The Latina nurse smiled knowingly at me, and shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you… JD doesn't want it getting out, so he's swearing everyone he's told to secrecy."

"Say there, Carla, does Ghandi know about this little _thing_ that is causing me oh so ve-he-he-he-he-_hery _many problems?"

"Oh, don't you dare," Carla said, placing a hand on her hip and wiggling a finger at me. "If you try to beat this out of _my_ husband, then I'm going to be forced to do something to one of those stupid jerseys of yours." I narrowed my eyes at her. Oh, she wouldn't… "That being said, I'm going home, and I hope that for your sake you're able to get JD to talk to you about what's going on." With that, Carla grabbed her sweater off her chair and headed towards the exit, and I snarled at her retreating form, scaring a passing intern, who squeaked and quickly ran down the hall. Maybe the glare of annoyance that I gave him also added to his fear. Good.

"Are we leaving yet, Perry?" came a voice from beside me.

I turned around to face the person, before flicking my nose and crossing my arms. "Oh, there she is! Gosh, Tabitha, I thought you had disappeared sometime during the night, hidden under the cover of two of your patients coding. I mean, goodness gracious, I haven't seen you since you decided to PMS all over yourself. Did it stain, because—"

"And you wonder why I won't tell you," JD said, shaking his head at me. "Maybe if you could at least _pretend_ to not be a total jackass for two minutes I'd tell you. But you can't manage that, can you?"

I snarled slightly, narrowing my eyes at my partner. "Now look here, JD: I _tried_ to be that mushy, god forsaken puddle of gooey emotion that you wanted me to be, and then you just blew me off. So what is that supposed to say to me, exactly?"

"It's your fault, that's what it's supposed to say," JD said before walking towards the exit. I sighed, confused, and followed after my doe-eyed wonder. I guess this meant no sex after both of us had been properly rested.

Later (much, MUCH later) that day…

I groaned as I sat up, stretching out a bit, and frowning as my hand hit the back of the couch. That's right, the great Perry Cox had slept on the couch while his whiney, annoying, sexy boyfriend slept in the bedroom. Really, it wasn't exactly my fault that we were fighting. What I couldn't understand was why Newbie insisted on not telling me what was going on with him. Was it really _that_ bad?

Looking up, I silently asked a God I didn't believe in to listen to me, and take mercy on me, for once in my miserable, god damn life. Hell, my rants weren't even as good now that my relationship seemed to be on the rocks for reasons unknown. "Please just get him to tell me. I'm not good with the emotion crap, and I don't know how to ask him without him taking it the wrong way. He usually understands what I mean when I say something… He usually understands that I'll never say some things outright. And this… it's making me miserable. Before I started my god awful long shift, we were great. Had sex, ate dinner, had sex again, and then passed out on the couch with beers in our hands. And then suddenly he gets to the hospital and he's all doom and gloom? He won't even tell me why! We've been dating for a year now and ne-he-_he _-ver has he _nawt_ told me what's going on with him. Really, he's like a three year old—he can't keep his mouth shut. And… While those times are always so very annoying, they're actually kind of nice, and I might be pushed as far as to say that I miss them… So, big guy, if you really exist… I love him. Please help me out here, for once."

"Dan killed himself."

I quickly turned around, finding that JD had been watching me from the hallway, his face sad and lost. I swallowed hard, and was forced to say something about the idiot wasting space when he was alive, but bit it back, realizing if I said that then it'd give JD more reason to not tell me anything in the future. "JD…"

Newbie walked over to the couch, sitting down slowly as he looked down at his hands. I quickly lifted an arm, wrapping it around his shoulders as I pulled him close. "I found out yesterday morning… My mother called me and told me about it…" He wrapped his arms around himself, and I felt inclined to pull him closer, smoothing down his hair just a bit. "I told him about us last week… Apparently he couldn't deal with it. At least, that's what she told me… She said it was all our fault… That she hated me… That we were going to burn in hell and that she never wanted to see my face again…"

"JD," I whispered softly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "She's angry, I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"But she did," JD said quietly, looking up at my face. "She blames me. She blames _us_; what we have, what we do… Dan was getting his life together, things were going great for him… there's no reason why he would go and… I mean… The timing is—"

"A coincidence," I stated firmly, but softly. "I'm sure we weren't the reason."

"But we were," JD said with so much certainty that it killed me. "I… I'm going to go see my mother, try to work things out… If she decides to stop hating me… I'm going to live with her for a little while… take care of her, because Dan can't now…"

"Live with her?" I asked, shocked and hurt and—god damn this kid, why did he make me feel this way? I don't want him to go—I honestly need him. "But what about us, kid?" And then he said it, causing my heart to shatter.

"I'm not sure about us right now. We're the reason my brother's dead."

"But… How could you say that? I… JD."

JD shook his head, silencing me. "I appreciate what you said, and your attempt at leveling with me… I really do, Perry. And I love you too, so much. But… I just feel so guilty. I need to rectify that before I can move on. I'm sorry."

"You're _sorry_?!" I yelled, standing up from the couch quickly, glaring down at my Newbie. _My_ Newbie? Right. Didn't seem like that was happening anymore anytime soon. "I've been bending over backwards for you! I've changed who I am as a person to please _you_, so I can be with _you_, so _you_ can be happy! I left Jordan for _you_, I risked the chance to see my son every week for _you_! And now you're running off to the mother that said such crappy things to you?! She's the reason you're feeling like this right now, she's the reason you're so guilty! So why the hell run to _her_?! If you're doing that, Newbie, then stay there permanently! Don't ever come back!"

I hated the tears I saw in JD's eyes, and immediately regretted being so harsh. But, honestly, what the fuck did he expect me to do? He left me hanging all night, PMSed all over me, and for what? To tell me that he was moving and we were done? I had a _right_ to be pissed off.

"I understand," Newbie said, nodding slightly as he rubbed at his teary eyes, looking down at the ground. "I'll get my stuff and stay with Carla and Turk until I leave. Goodbye, Perry." With that, JD sat up from the couch, walking back into the hallway. I stood there, trying to figure out what exactly it was that had just happened.

**_Just so you know, this story WILL have a sort-of sequel to it. I promise you that the early "thoughts" in the beginning of the first part will tie into it all._**


End file.
